Relation 6
or Manifestations of her Spiritual State which St. Teresa Submitted
to Her Confessors
or
Spiritual Testimonies
or
Relations of the Spirit
|
The Vow of Obedience to Father Gratian Which the Saint Made in 1575. |
Discussion Topics / Questions to keep in mind as we read along: 1). St. Teresa stated that although she "began to go to Confession" to Fr. Gratian, she was not"wholly directed by him, since she attended Confession, also with other Confessors. How did this change?
[ Relations 6: #1,2 ]
2). What did St. Teresa say regarding
"doing the Holy Spirit
some most special service" ?
[ Relations 6: # 2 ] |
1. In the year 1575,
in the month of April,
when I was founding
the monastery of Veas,
Fra Jerome of the Mother of God Gratian
happened to come thither. [679]
I began to go to confession to him
from time to time,
though
not looking upon him
as filling the place
of the other confessors I had,
so as to be wholly directed by him.
One day, when I was taking food,
but without
any interior recollection whatever,
my soul began to be recollected
in such a way
that I thought I must fall
into a trance;
and I had a vision,
that passed away with the usual swiftness,
like a meteor.
I seemed to see close beside me
Jesus Christ our Lord,
in the form wherein His Majesty
is wont to reveal Himself,
with F. Gratian on His right.
Our Lord
took his right hand and mine, and,
joining them together,
said to me
- that He would have me
accept him (Fr. Gratian) in His place
for my whole life, and
- that we were both to have
one mind in all things,
for so it was fitting.
I was profoundly convinced
that this was the work of God,
though I remembered with regret
two of my confessors
whom I frequented in turn
for a long time, and
to whom I owed much;
that one for whom
I have a great affection
especially caused a terrible resistance.
Nevertheless, not being able
to persuade myself
that the vision was a delusion,
because it had
a great power and influence
over me, and also
because it was said to me
on two other occasions
that I was not to be afraid,
that He wished this,
--the words were different, --
I made up my mind at last
to act upon them,
understanding it
to be our Lord's will, and
to follow that counsel
so long as I should live.
I had never before so acted
with any one,
though I had consulted many persons
of great learning and holiness,
and who watched over my soul
with great care,
-- but neither had I received
any such direction
as that I should make no change;
for as to my confessors,
of some I understood
that they would be profitable to me,
and so also of these.
2. When I had resolved on this,
I found myself
in peace and comfort so great
that I was amazed,
and assured of our Lord's will;
for I do not think
that Satan could fill the soul
with peace and comfort
such as this:
and so, whenever I think of it,
I praise our Lord,
and remember the words,
"posuit fines tuos pacem," [680]
and I wish I could wear myself out
in the praises of God.
3. It must have been about a month
after this my resolve was made,
on the second day after Pentecost,
when I was going
to found the monastery in Seville,
that we heard Mass
in a hermitage in Ecija, and
rested there during the hottest part
of the day.
Those who were with me
remained in the hermitage
while I was by myself
in the sacristy belonging to it.
I began to think of one great grace
which I received of the Holy Ghost,
on one of the vigils of His feast, [681]
and a great desire arose within me
of doing Him
some most special service,
some most special service,
and I found nothing
that was not already done,
--at least, resolved upon,--
for all I do must be faulty;
and I remembered
that, though
I had already
made a vow of obedience,
it might be made
in greater perfection,
and I had an impression
it would be pleasing unto Him
if I promised
that which
I was already resolved upon,
to live under obedience
to the Father-Master, Fr. Jerome.
On the other hand,
I seemed to be doing nothing,
because I was already bent on doing it;
on the other hand,
it would be a very serious thing,
considering that our interior state
is not made known
to the superiors
who receive our vows,
and that they change,
and that,
if one is not doing his work well,
if one is not doing his work well,
another comes in his place;
and I believed I should have
none of my liberty all my life long,
either outwardly or inwardly,
and this constrained me greatly
to abstain from making the vow.
This repugnance of the will
made me ashamed,
and I saw
that, now I had something
I could do for God,
I was not doing it;
it was a sad thing
for my resolution to serve Him.
The fact is,
that the objection so pressed me,
that I do not think
I ever did anything in my life
that was so hard
--not even my profession --
unless it be that
of my leaving my father's house
to become a nun. [682]
The reason of this was
that I had forgotten
my affection for him, and
his gifts for directing me;
yea, rather, I was looking on it
then as a strange thing,
which has surprised me;
feeling nothing but a great fear
whether the vow would be
for the service of God or not:
and my natural self
--which is fond of liberty--
must have been doing its work,
though for years now
I have no pleasure in it.
But it seemed to me
a far other matter
to give up that liberty by a vow,
as in truth it is.
After a protracted struggle,
our Lord gave me great confidence;
and I saw it was the better course,
the more I felt about it:
if I made this promise
in honour of the Holy Ghost,
He would be bound
to give him light
for the direction of my soul;
and I remembered at the same time
that our Lord had given him
to me as my guide.
Thereupon I fell upon my knees,
and, to render this tribute
of service to the Holy Ghost,
made a promise to do
whatever he should bid me do
while I lived,
provided nothing were required of me
contrary to
the law of God and
the commands of superiors
whom I am more bound to obey.
I adverted to this,
that the obligation
did not extend
to things of little importance,
--as if I were to be importunate with him
about anything,
and he bade me cease,
and I neglected his advice
and repeated my request,--
nor to things relating to my convenience.
In a word,
his commands were not
to be about trifles,
done without reflection;
and I was not knowingly
to conceal from him
my faults and sins, or
my interior state;
and this, too, is more
than we allow to superiors.
In a word,
I promised to regard him
as in the place of God,
outwardly and inwardly.
I know not if it be so,
but I seemed to have done
a great thing
in honour of the Holy Ghost
--at least,
it was all I could do,
and very little it was
in comparison
with what I owe Him.
with what I owe Him.
4. I give God thanks,
who has created one
capable of this work:
I have the greatest confidence
that His Majesty will bestow on him
great graces;
and I myself am so happy and joyous,
that I seem to be in every way
free from myself;
and though I thought
that my obedience would be a burden,
I have attained to the greatest freedom.
May our Lord be praised for ever!
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Foot Notes:
[679] See Foundations, ch. xxii.
[680] Psalm cxlvii. 14: "He hath made thy borders peace." [681] Perhaps the Saint refers to what she has written in her
[491]Life, ch. xxxviii. §§ 11, 12.
[682] [492]Life, ch. iv. § 1.
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~ End of Relation VI ~ |
